Yesterday night, I felt lonely. For the first time after coming to Mumbai, I felt so aloof and alone. I am one of those people who rarely do anything all alone. Even if I have to go to buy grocery I would ask my neighbors to come with me or will drag Anand. I was at my dance class yesterday and a sudden creepy feeling came in. It told me that this is a land of strangers, I don't belong here. I felt, all people around me were behaving weirdly. After shifting to this new place, my previous neighbors did remind me that I will always miss the gang of those bachelor boys around me. After six months, I realized that yeah I do miss them. Its not that I am not happy here, but I met some strange people around me. Those were selfish people living in their own world of dreams. They were rude and arrogant. Many a times, I wanted to shout on them for I had started hating them, but something in me stopped me. One fine day, I gave up. It was enough. I wanted her to say sorry to me. She left from Mumbai recently. I am happy, but thoughts surround me that why did it all happen. It shouldn’t have happen.
I thought, that may be in Mumbai people are this way only. From then on I started fighting with myself. I started going alone. I started my morning exercise, reminding myself that these things will help me gain my lost confidence. I started doing all things on my own, saying to myself “See you don’t need anyone. You are best.”
I don’t know what happened yesterday at the class. People were talking to me, but I felt that the warmth was missing. I felt left alone. But this was the way I had chosen. Then why wasn’t I happy?
This is not me. I am changing. But should I change?
I know all this is so confusing. So many ifs and buts. I just wrote what was popping in my head with no correlation in things.
That one incidence had broken me. Something inside me wants to come out. I want to make friends, talk to strangers as I did previously. I want to be called the chatter box by everyone.
I want to do all those stupid things, calling people at middle of night just to laugh on them. I want to irritate those call centre guys by putting out of world questions on them. I want to be regular in my office and personal work. I want to be carefree of what people are thinking about me.
Very soon, I guess I will be back to MYSELF.