December 13, 2008

Ek la chalo re...

Yesterday night, I felt lonely. For the first time after coming to Mumbai, I felt so aloof and alone. I am one of those people who rarely do anything all alone. Even if I have to go to buy grocery I would ask my neighbors to come with me or will drag Anand. I was at my dance class yesterday and a sudden creepy feeling came in. It told me that this is a land of strangers, I don't belong here. I felt, all people around me were behaving weirdly. After shifting to this new place, my previous neighbors did remind me that I will always miss the gang of those bachelor boys around me. After six months, I realized that yeah I do miss them. Its not that I am not happy here, but I met some strange people around me. Those were selfish people living in their own world of dreams. They were rude and arrogant. Many a times, I wanted to shout on them for I had started hating them, but something in me stopped me. One fine day, I gave up. It was enough. I wanted her to say sorry to me. She left from Mumbai recently. I am happy, but thoughts surround me that why did it all happen. It shouldn’t have happen.

I thought, that may be in Mumbai people are this way only. From then on I started fighting with myself. I started going alone. I started my morning exercise, reminding myself that these things will help me gain my lost confidence. I started doing all things on my own, saying to myself “See you don’t need anyone. You are best.”

I don’t know what happened yesterday at the class. People were talking to me, but I felt that the warmth was missing. I felt left alone. But this was the way I had chosen. Then why wasn’t I happy?

This is not me. I am changing. But should I change?

I know all this is so confusing. So many ifs and buts. I just wrote what was popping in my head with no correlation in things.

That one incidence had broken me. Something inside me wants to come out. I want to make friends, talk to strangers as I did previously. I want to be called the chatter box by everyone.

I want to do all those stupid things, calling people at middle of night just to laugh on them. I want to irritate those call centre guys by putting out of world questions on them. I want to be regular in my office and personal work. I want to be carefree of what people are thinking about me.

Very soon, I guess I will be back to MYSELF.


  1. hmmmm...
    u know its not that only mumbai has such kinda ppl...believe me ,,,living here i have also realised the same thing...the bigger the city gets...the smaller the people's hearts become...
    ...i used to get bothered too...but then realised that this is the talk of the finally gave up..and didnt bother..
    bother only about the people who matter..believe me,,,nothing else matters:)

    and u better get back to ur chirpy self..coz we definitely do not change personalities for some dumb useless sort of people..they shouldnt be given so much hype and importance:)

  2. aaaaaawww...m so sorry sweetie..m sure its just d new environment thats freakin u out...u'll adjust soon jus gv it a lil time..n anyway we cant hv a depressed paaro for long! take care ji :)))

  3. exactly d reason y i m so scared of movin to mumbai :((((

  4. Kya re...what has happened to u...Why u sounding so negative???

    I hav so many ppl who say that they love mumbai and mumbai being the best city of the world...I knw its big and life's tougher out thr, but the silver lining to that is that if u can survive mumbai, then u can survive in any part of the world...

    It might be a flying lonely mood which has made u think in so much depth and write such a nice blog, but literally i knw u r all njoying out thr...n u r same as ever...:)


  5. #Santa: Yeah i believe its true... But sometimes limits are crossed. I mean you really feel like shouting on them...

    And ofcourse you know that I will be back... The original Chirpy Paro cant go anywhere.. :)))

  6. #Trinaa: Hey its no more new environment... have been staying here now for almost 1 and half years... :((
    Thanks...I will be back with a bang!!

  7. #Mayz: Hey Mumbai is nice as well... I mean there are so many places to Its fun here...but then feeling lonely is a problem in every big city I guess!!!

  8. #Akash: Yeah Mumbai is good... I feel happy here... Intially I was afaraid of this place..but now I have adjusted..
    I guess you correct its just the another phase of mine.. :((

  9. bade bade shehro mein aisi baatein hoti rehti hai.. People even don know who their neighbors are..

  10. #Urv: I know and thats what i hate... Its so weird that we dont even know who is staying next to our flat.. no smiles while crossing... :(((

  11. I ll kill Mayz for his comment.. and hola.. its not bout Mumbai or Delhi or Pune or any place in particular... You meet some nice people and you meet some not so nice people in your life...

    it entirely depends on you how much importance you want to give to all the people around you...

    Didn't you find some of the best people in Mumbai ? What about Andy's juniors and frenz with whom you feel like a family ?

    This is what happens to everyone some time dear... and you are a person with such a beautiful heart that you will always find beautiful hearts like you around you :)

    Just be the same chirpy paaro soon :) I am pretty used to know her and I like you that way only :)

    And I will expect a positive post from you soon :) Talk about your experiences in office... with all those IITians around u ;)

    About the bank problems u face every now and then ;)

    About your bosses and about how u r the housewife of ur office :D

    Der are enough moments in ur life to smile about... so bring the real chirpy back soon baby :)

    I miss her :(


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